I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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