I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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