How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
