Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Randomize
