this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
