It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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