i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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