GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
