if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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