Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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