So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
