I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
