the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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