I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You can't just leave with hair like that
I AM VODKA MAN
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
