That's intense
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
