Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
