I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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