the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
