i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
