I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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