Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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