The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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