And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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