my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
