It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
