i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
