My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I didn't notice because vodka
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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