I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
