Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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