My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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