Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
