Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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