shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
