nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
