If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
