wat bout pragnant strippers??
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
