that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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