So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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