can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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