i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Even my vagina gasped.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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