New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
