Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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