my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
