Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
