I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
