I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Randomize
