I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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