I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
