He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
