We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We are two peas in an std pod
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
