She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
