It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
