i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
